This Is Better Than an Apology
Why repair attempts are even more powerful than saying sorry.
Everyone messes up. Any relationship involves two imperfect communicators capable of hurt feelings, frustration, or loneliness. Given this, expecting communication and harmony to be “par for the course” is unreasonable. In his book, The Science of Trust, Dr. John Gottman explains that both partners in a relationship are emotionally available only 9% of the time. This leaves 91% of our relationship ripe for miscommunication. What matters most is how couples repair when they mess up—rebuilding the bridge of connection before it becomes consumed by negativity.
A repair can be so much more than an apology (although apologies work, too)—a silly smile, an “I feel” statement, a pause in the action, even partial agreement. A repair att...