Monday, June 8

RELATIONSHIPS

Could Human-Machine Relationships Go Mainstream? — Sex, Love And Companionship With AI
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RELATIONSHIPS

Could Human-Machine Relationships Go Mainstream? — Sex, Love And Companionship With AI

Sex, love and companionship … with AI? Why human-machine relationships could go mainstream. There was once a stigma attached to online dating: Less than a decade ago, many couples who had met online would make up stories for how they met rather than admit that they had done so via an app. Not so anymore. Online dating is so mainstream that you’re an outlier if you haven’t met your partner on Tinder, Grindr or Hinge. We bring up online dating to show just how quickly conventions around romance can change. With rapid advances in AI technology over the past few years, these norms may well evolve to include sex, love and friendships with AI-equipped machines. In our research, we look at how people use technology to form and maintain relationships. But we also look at how people bond with machi...
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How to Detach and Let Go With Love
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BREAK UP

How to Detach and Let Go With Love

Although it's painful to see our loved ones be self-destructive, detaching allows us to enjoy our life despite another person's problems and behavior. Attachment and caring are normal. It's healthy to get attached to people we love and care about, but codependent attachment causes us pain and problems in relationships. We become overly attached-not because we love so much but because we need so much. We need someone to be and act a certain way so that you can feel okay. Managing and controlling, reacting and worrying, and obsessing are counterproductive codependent patterns. We can become over-involved. The antidote is to detach and let go. What is Detaching? Detachment implies neutrality. Detaching is a way of separating the unhealthy emotional glue that keeps us fused in a codependent...
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Why Is It Always Women Who Must Improve, When It Comes To Dating Advice?
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DATING

Why Is It Always Women Who Must Improve, When It Comes To Dating Advice?

“Therapy-speak” advice on relationships and dating is widely available outside of the psychotherapist’s office. Much of this advice places responsibility on women for managing their emotional reactions to problematic dating and relationship experiences. The advice women are given about dating, relationships, and finding love largely falls into three categories. 1. How to not attract emotionally unavailable men Instagram is full of relationship advice that tells women to take responsibility for their “healing”. It advises them on attachment styles, co-dependency, and emotional wounds, as well as how to deal with avoidant and narcissistic partners. Such advice varies in quality from patronising and exploitative, to nuanced and compassionate. Some of this advice is helpful, much of it is not...
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The ‘Talking Stage’ Between The Introduction And Officially Dating
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DATING

The ‘Talking Stage’ Between The Introduction And Officially Dating

Stuck in a ‘talking stage’ or ‘situation-ship’? How young people can get more out of modern love. “Going together” sounds like a romantic term from yesteryear. Today’s young people have a newer label: the “talking stage”. It happens between being introduced to someone and officially dating, and it can involve talking or texting for days – even months. Unsplash, CC BY The purpose of this stage is to have the opportunity to get to know someone before committing to a relationship with them. But judging by their posts on social media, young people all over the world are struggling with this modern-day dating phase. They can find it drawn-out, repetitive and emotionally draining. Is it a new thing? And how can potential couples partners make the most of it? New label, old practice The ta...
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Replika The AI companion Users Are Falling Hard For
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ATTRACTION

Replika The AI companion Users Are Falling Hard For

I tried the Replika AI companion and can see why users are falling hard. The app raises serious ethical questions. The warm light of friendship, intimacy and romantic love illuminates the best aspects of being human – while also casting a deep shadow of possible heartbreak. But what happens when it’s not a human bringing on the heartache, but an AI-powered app? That’s a question a great many users of the Replika AI are crying about this month. Like many an inconstant human lover, users witnessed their Replika companions turn cold as ice overnight. A few hasty changes by the app makers inadvertently showed the world that the feelings people have for their virtual friends can prove overwhelmingly real. If these technologies can cause such pain, perhaps it’s time we stopped viewing them as ...
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How to listen to your loved ones with empathy when you yourself are feeling the strain of social distancing
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RELATIONSHIPS

How to listen to your loved ones with empathy when you yourself are feeling the strain of social distancing

COVID-19 has revealed a great many things about our world, including the vulnerabilities inherent in our economic, health care and educational institutions. The pandemic and the resulting orders to shelter in place have also uncovered vulnerabilities in our relationships with others. Many of us are not just dealing with our own feelings of anxiety, anger and sadness; we are dealing with the anxiety, anger and sadness expressed by the people with whom we live and other loved ones with whom we’ve maintained virtual connections. How do we respond with empathy when we are feeling a host of emotions ourselves? Is it even possible? As a clinical psychologist, I have spent the last two decades studying how couples facing chronic stressors can be there for each other in the midst of their own pe...
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To Find Love – The Lies We Tell On Dating Apps
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DATING

To Find Love – The Lies We Tell On Dating Apps

Nearly one-fourth of young adults are looking for love through dating websites or apps. This relatively new form of courtship can give you access to a large pool of potential partners. It also presents a unique set of challenges. For example, you’ve probably heard about – or have personally experienced – a date that was planned online but didn’t go well for one of the following reasons: He was shorter than his profile said he was, she looked different in person than she did in her photos, or he was talkative over text but it was like pulling teeth at dinner. In other words, a person’s profile – and the messages sent before a date – might not capture who a person really is. In a 2018 paper, my colleague Jeff Hancock and I wondered: How often do people who use dating apps lie? What sort of t...
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Are You Dating A Crazy Hot Mess
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DATING

Are You Dating A Crazy Hot Mess

In one of my all-time favorite shows, "How I Met Your Mother," there's an absolutely hilarious character named Barney Stinson that is obviously based off a pick-up artist. I'm aware that it's just a TV show, but many of his observations coincide with mine - namely, his hot-crazy graph; basically, the hotter the girl is, the more willing men are to put up with her crazy. Unfortunately, I'm here to tell you guys that many, many beautiful and hot women come with a prescription for extra-strength CRAZY. I've dated a Playboy cybermodel, pinup model, fashion runway model, strippers and dancers, cocktail waitresses, shot girls, pageant queens and the gamut of hot crazy messes both high and low. I'm also friends with many a beautiful porn star, actress, and even one of our former ABCs of Attractio...
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Why So Many Women Want To Befriend Gay Men
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RELATIONSHIPS

Why So Many Women Want To Befriend Gay Men

For years, friendships between straight women and gay men have been a subject of pop culture fascination. Books, television shows and feature length films have all highlighted this unique relationship, noted for its closeness and depth. But with society’s attitudes toward gays and lesbians changing, it’s become all the more important to build a holistic understanding of the relationships between gay and straight people. As a researcher in social psychology, I’ve often wondered: why do straight female-gay male relationships work so well? Why are straight women so drawn to having gay men as friends? And when do these relationships typically form? The trailer for ‘G.B.F. (Gay Best Friend),’ a 2013 teen comedy film. During the course of my research, I’ve discovered that the most interesting, ...
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A Journey Into The World Of Pornography In South Africa
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RELATIONSHIPS

A Journey Into The World Of Pornography In South Africa

Girls and pornography in South Africa: going beyond just the negative effects. Academic research tends to focus on the negative aspects and sexual dangers of girls and young people viewing porn. But what do girls themselves say about growing up in a world where porn is so readily available from such a young age? It’s a question Deevia Bhana, a professor in gender and childhood sexuality, sets out to answer in her book Girls Negotiating Porn in South Africa: Power, Play and Sexuality. We asked her five questions. What’s the book’s central idea? When it comes to porn, research suggests there are differences between boys and girls, where it is more acceptable for boys to view porn than it is for girls. These gendered differences are based on gender roles and identities where boys’ interest...
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