Tuesday, April 7

RELATIONSHIPS

How to listen to your loved ones with empathy when you yourself are feeling the strain of social distancing
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RELATIONSHIPS

How to listen to your loved ones with empathy when you yourself are feeling the strain of social distancing

COVID-19 has revealed a great many things about our world, including the vulnerabilities inherent in our economic, health care and educational institutions. The pandemic and the resulting orders to shelter in place have also uncovered vulnerabilities in our relationships with others. Many of us are not just dealing with our own feelings of anxiety, anger and sadness; we are dealing with the anxiety, anger and sadness expressed by the people with whom we live and other loved ones with whom we’ve maintained virtual connections. How do we respond with empathy when we are feeling a host of emotions ourselves? Is it even possible? As a clinical psychologist, I have spent the last two decades studying how couples facing chronic stressors can be there for each other in the midst of their own pe...
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To Find Love – The Lies We Tell On Dating Apps
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DATING

To Find Love – The Lies We Tell On Dating Apps

Nearly one-fourth of young adults are looking for love through dating websites or apps. This relatively new form of courtship can give you access to a large pool of potential partners. It also presents a unique set of challenges. For example, you’ve probably heard about – or have personally experienced – a date that was planned online but didn’t go well for one of the following reasons: He was shorter than his profile said he was, she looked different in person than she did in her photos, or he was talkative over text but it was like pulling teeth at dinner. In other words, a person’s profile – and the messages sent before a date – might not capture who a person really is. In a 2018 paper, my colleague Jeff Hancock and I wondered: How often do people who use dating apps lie? What sort of t...
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Are You Dating A Crazy Hot Mess
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DATING

Are You Dating A Crazy Hot Mess

In one of my all-time favorite shows, "How I Met Your Mother," there's an absolutely hilarious character named Barney Stinson that is obviously based off a pick-up artist. I'm aware that it's just a TV show, but many of his observations coincide with mine - namely, his hot-crazy graph; basically, the hotter the girl is, the more willing men are to put up with her crazy. Unfortunately, I'm here to tell you guys that many, many beautiful and hot women come with a prescription for extra-strength CRAZY. I've dated a Playboy cybermodel, pinup model, fashion runway model, strippers and dancers, cocktail waitresses, shot girls, pageant queens and the gamut of hot crazy messes both high and low. I'm also friends with many a beautiful porn star, actress, and even one of our former ABCs of Attractio...
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Why So Many Women Want To Befriend Gay Men
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RELATIONSHIPS

Why So Many Women Want To Befriend Gay Men

For years, friendships between straight women and gay men have been a subject of pop culture fascination. Books, television shows and feature length films have all highlighted this unique relationship, noted for its closeness and depth. But with society’s attitudes toward gays and lesbians changing, it’s become all the more important to build a holistic understanding of the relationships between gay and straight people. As a researcher in social psychology, I’ve often wondered: why do straight female-gay male relationships work so well? Why are straight women so drawn to having gay men as friends? And when do these relationships typically form? The trailer for ‘G.B.F. (Gay Best Friend),’ a 2013 teen comedy film. During the course of my research, I’ve discovered that the most interesting, ...
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A Journey Into The World Of Pornography In South Africa
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RELATIONSHIPS

A Journey Into The World Of Pornography In South Africa

Girls and pornography in South Africa: going beyond just the negative effects. Academic research tends to focus on the negative aspects and sexual dangers of girls and young people viewing porn. But what do girls themselves say about growing up in a world where porn is so readily available from such a young age? It’s a question Deevia Bhana, a professor in gender and childhood sexuality, sets out to answer in her book Girls Negotiating Porn in South Africa: Power, Play and Sexuality. We asked her five questions. What’s the book’s central idea? When it comes to porn, research suggests there are differences between boys and girls, where it is more acceptable for boys to view porn than it is for girls. These gendered differences are based on gender roles and identities where boys’ interest...
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Woman To Woman — How To Go About Wowing Your Partner
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ATTRACTION

Woman To Woman — How To Go About Wowing Your Partner

Women Looking for Women - How to Go About Wowing Your Partner. A woman looking to wow her partner of the same sex does not have to consider it rocket science when it is as same as dating a man. Women looking for women are no longer shy to say so and men are OK with that. It is a practical solution to if you feel more in sync with a partner of your own sex and feel the relationship is much better on those grounds. A lot of live in partners are women as well. Women looking for women or men looking for men are no longer a daunting issue like it used to be. What can you do to send sparks flying, here are a few tips. 1. Talk This is a starting point out for you guys. Whether you have been introduced by friends or met online and are meeting voluntarily, it is important to talk and communicate...
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Should I Stay Or Should I Go? Here Are The Relationship Factors People Ponder When Deciding Whether To Break Up
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BREAK UP

Should I Stay Or Should I Go? Here Are The Relationship Factors People Ponder When Deciding Whether To Break Up

Where do you see yourself in five years? It’s a standard job interview question, but it’s an even better question to ask yourself about your relationship. The person you talk to, date, move in with, get engaged to, marry, break up with or divorce – it’s all up to you. You’re in the driver’s seat regarding your relationship’s trajectory. Most of the time, you probably cruise along on autopilot, maintaining the status quo. Every once in a while, though, something disrupts that equilibrium and you seriously ponder your relationship’s fate. At some point, most people find themselves facing the complicated decision of whether to stick with it or call it quits. While there’s lots to consider when you’re pondering your own situation, maybe it would be helpful to know how others deal with these im...
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Intimacy: Can Childhood Trauma Set Someone Up To Have A Fear Of Intimacy?
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RELATIONSHIPS

Intimacy: Can Childhood Trauma Set Someone Up To Have A Fear Of Intimacy?

Nowadays, it is not uncommon for the term 'fear of intimacy' to be thrown around. In general, it is more likely that someone will use this term to describe another person than to describe themselves. One reason for this is that it is usually easier for someone to spot this in other than it is for them to spot it in themselves. This comes down to the fact that they will have a mind that causes them to see themselves as merely an observer of their life, as opposed to a co-creator of it. A Hurdle As a result of this, someone can endlessly attract people that are not emotionally available and not take a step back to see if they are playing a part in what is going on. These people will be at fault, with them having no control over what is playing out. There may be times when this allows the...
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According To A Couples Therapist, Talking About These 3 Things First Can Smooth The Way, Before Moving In With Your Partner
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RELATIONSHIPS

According To A Couples Therapist, Talking About These 3 Things First Can Smooth The Way, Before Moving In With Your Partner

Moving in with your partner? Talking about these 3 things first can smooth the way, according to a couples therapist. Partners who live together typically come to this significant place in their relationship in one of two ways – what some clinicians call “sliding versus deciding.” Moving in together can just kind of happen without too much thought, or it can be carefully considered and planned. Some couples may see living together as a test for future marriage. For others, marriage is not a goal, so living together may be the ultimate statement of their commitment. I have been a relationship therapist and researcher for over 25 years, specializing in intimate relationships. Based on my research and clinical experience, I recommend that couples discuss the significance of sharing a home bef...
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Could Smartphones Be Ruining Your Love Life
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DATING

Could Smartphones Be Ruining Your Love Life

The majority of our relationships are in shambles. The U.S. divorce rate hovers at 40 percent, but that’s not the whole story. Many intact relationships are on life support. According to a survey by the National Opinion Research Center, 60 percent of people in a relationship say they’re not very satisfied. There are some familiar culprits: money problems, bad sex and having kids. But there’s a new relationship buster: the smartphone. My colleague Meredith David and I conducted a study that explored just how detrimental smartphones can be to relationships. We zeroed in on measuring something called “phubbing” (a fusion of “phone” and “snubbing”). It’s how often your romantic partner is distracted by his or her smartphone in your presence. With more and more people using the attention-siphon...
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