Interracial Dating: Why Not?

Dating a partner of another race defines interracial dating. Is this beyond comprehension for a white person, or a black person? What do we care about the color of a person’s skin? I want to find love in all the right places, and if someone white is going to turn me on, respect me as a woman, and I respect him, then we have nothing to fear.

The 1990 census reports that 17.6% of black marriages occur with whites, and it is also found that black men are 2.5 times more likely to be married to a white woman than a black woman to a white man (about.com). Just look at the basketball players and their wives; Tiger Woods and his new wife. This is an ongoing trend with men and women.

In 1970 there were 310,000 documented cases of interracial marriages; in 1980 there were 651,000 cases reported; and in 1992 there were 1,161,000. In the 2003 Ford poll of 1,314 of various races 3 in 10 (about.com) reported that they were against black and white marriages, and this shows you that the world hasn’t changed when we couldn’t even drink out of a white water fountain, and when there were two fountains for whites and blacks. I thought we had overcome, but I guess not.

Why date a white man instead of a black man? I had a lot of failed relationships with black men, and I wasn’t looking for a white man. I was just looking for love. I was tired of dating and about to give up on the dating process until I met my husband now. He’s not a saint, but he’s the man I’ve been searching for my entire life, and the fact that he’s white is just an added advantage. You have to fall in love with someone of another race, and understand that you don’t see a white man, but a kind and generous person. Walk in my shoes, and you’d be glad that you did.

The advantages of interracial dating –

1. Respect on both parts.

2. Getting to know another race.

3. Their cultures.

4. A man.

5. Not being alone.

The disadvantages of interracial dating –

1. Bias attitudes.

2. Family issues.

3. Friend issues.

4. Staring.

5. Different backgrounds.

6. Children.

7. Patience.

8. Stigma.

9. Negativeness in relationship.

What about the children factor? They will have a most difficult time with a black mother and white father or a black father and a white mother. We must sacrifice ourselves for our children. Do we want to bring up children in this tarnished world giving them the conflicts to deal with after they are born? Is love worth the effort? A child shouldn’t have to suffer because two people of different races want to spend their lives together. The child is going to be so light, or will the child be black, or white, or just mixed? Who cares! Duh!

What about a loving couple coming together in their love for each other; and along the way brings a child into a happy reunion between two loving people who just happens to be an interracial couple? Why even brand us as an interracial couple. We’re just two people in love.

Why is everyone still bias? I’m in love with a white man, and we had no peace from strangers, family and friends because I was black, and he was white, but it was love at first sight. I saw a man, and that was the only thing I saw. I didn’t give a flying leap about him being white. I knew that he was white, but his skin color played no role in our relationship.
I have to admit that it was awkward at first because he was the first white man I had ever dated. I thought about the books that I have read on interracial dating; the opinions of my friends, the movies, and television shows, and the down low of my family. Of course they didn’t approve of my relationship and his family thought he was going through a midlife crisis or something.

We really cared about each other so we focused on ourselves, and our goals. I was a paralegal, and he was an attorney so we had a lot of things in common. I used to help him in the discovery process, and I was a mean typist. We laughed, communicated, went out to different functions, and made love like it was going out of style and then some. He was my soul mate, and I was the luckiest woman in the world.

My man was running for the Senate seat, so the media began to get into our affairs, and the media was like hound dogs waiting to pounce on your skeleton of secrets, and ruin your life in the process. I knew I could handle the conflicts, and the lies, and I did for a while.

We dated for two years before there wasn’t a tunnel at the end of the rainbow. It was pressure for my man to win this election, and according to his family I was holding him back. I mean I loved this man, and I wanted to be there right by his side when he won the senate seat.

My world came crashing down when I overheard my man and his parents talking when we were visiting them for the weekend. They thought I was in my room sleeping, but I had tiptoed into the kitchen to get something to drink when I heard their voices. It was the beginning of a nightmare for me. I’d never forget that conversation for the rest of my life.

“Son, you’re about to give up your dreams for a woman,” his father said. “She’s gorgeous, and you have good taste. I’m sorry, but with her as your girlfriend you can kiss the senate seat good-bye forever.”

“He’s right,” his mother said. “I know you’re lusting after her, but this is what you’ve been building up for so long, and if you lose this opportunity, then you’re never going to find it again.”

The tears were blinding me now as I continued to listen to their conversation. I thought I was going to die from the pain.

“I love her,” he cried.

“And she loves you,” his mother said. “I can see the way she looks at you, but is love enough?”

“Do you want to win the senate seat?” his father asked.

“Why can’t I have them both?” he cried.

I was a basket case as the tears were falling down my face, and my heart was breaking into one million tiny peaces. I had no choice but to give him his freedom. I ran that night and left him a note.

He didn’t win the senate seat, and his pain was my pain. I truly wanted him to win, but it just wasn’t his time. I knew in the future that his senate dreams will be a permanent factor when the time was right. I never stopped loving him, and I knew my love had to set him free. I gave him the greatest love of all, by releasing him to fulfill his dreams. I cried for weeks after my solace of being without the man I loved, but work kept me busy, and my family and friends were always around to pick up the pieces for me.

In the next year, I still kept thinking about him, and we ended up meeting again, and our love was still apparent. We rekindled our pending love, and rushed off to City Hall and got married.

Our family and friends were livid with rage, but we are happy and that’s the bottom line. So love doesn’t have any particular color. I asked God to send me my soul mate, and it didn’t require a race preference. God gave me what I asked for and then some.

My man is not only my husband, but he’s my best friend, and we compliment each other. Why not date a white man if you’re black; a Hispanic man if you’re black, and a Chinese man if you’re black. The list is endless. Remember it’s not who you fall in love with, but who you love! (1,385)

I am a 43 writer of I CONFESS and EVERYTHING AND MORE. My website is http://www.freewebs.com/jcarolann and sign the guestbook. I can be reached at anncj@comcast.net for comments.